I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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