Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
