I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
