drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
