My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
