Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize