apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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