just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize