Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
