Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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