this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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