i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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