Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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