my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize