1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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