i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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