Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
