so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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