My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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