the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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