I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
