I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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