Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Soap is not a condiment
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
