You smell like stripper and shame
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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