okay pat passed out under dana's car
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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