do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
