the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
