That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
