I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
