So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
