No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
