yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
