I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
