Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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