I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize