I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
