I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
