nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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