I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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