Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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