The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
