I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
NoShamevember. You game?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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