the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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