I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
