pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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