Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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