I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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