chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
