If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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