I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
40s are totally the cure
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
