Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
