Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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