I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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