I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
