You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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