I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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