please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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