I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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