when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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