If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize