OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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