I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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