I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
