"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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