He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
