Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
