Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
