Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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