DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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