Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
