About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you traded sex for a burrito?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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