If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
