yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize