It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
