I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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