i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
